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Friday, 8 June 2012

Even More Wacky E-Petitions

Continuing on from our previous two forays into the wild and zany world of e-petitions, we offer the following to bedazzle you this Friday afternoon:

In the "Is there no one safe from discrimination?" category, we find that people who are not vertically-challenged are most displeased with travelling these days:

Travel Rights for Tall People

This is a petition to ask the Government to bring into effect a badge or pass (similar to that (sic) disabled person might have in their car for parking) that people over a certain height can use for their travel needs

I constantly find that when I travel, especially by air, to enjoy my flight/trip I have to pay an extra fee (quite often substanial (sic) compared to the cost of the flight) to sit in a "extra leg room" seat that can actually accomodate (sic) me.

I have been on numerous planes which simply do not accomodate (sic) for people exceeding a certain height and have had some extremely uncomfortable flights because someone else has already bought the "extra leg room" seats, which I feel I have a right to sit in, FREE OF CHARGE

Please sign up to this petition to ask to (sic) Government to issue passes to tall individuals so that they can travel in the same comfort for the same cost as every other citizen.

Thank you.

You're welcome, sir.  It's great that you feel your height automatically grants you certain rights to sit wherever the hell you want to sit. Since airlines are privately-owned, maybe you ought to petition them instead of giving our inept government more control over businesses. Next thing you know people will be demanding special treatment for dead people -- zombies are so misunderstood these days.

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Our second entry falls under the "People will exploit anything these days" category:

Stop the exploitation of parent and child parking spaces

Im (sic) absolutely sick and tired of seeing parent and child parking spaces been (sic) explioted (sic) by people without children! I want the givernment (sic) to bring in tougher sanctions on these spaces, and possibly with the view of giving the job to someone to check said spaces, ad (sic) fine for misuse. In the time ive (sic) been driving i (sic) have NEVER seen anyone check these spaces, i (sic) have however seen ALOT (sic) of misuse.

Madam, your accidental typo and inability to spell check has given us this great new word: "givernment."  That is exactly what we have. A "givernment." They take our money and they give it to special interest groups and pressure charities. In this case, a local "givernment" hath given parents with children special parking privileges, and the people hath taken it away. Also, children are not allowed to drive, so they should not be allowed their very own parking spaces. Life is so unfair.

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Next up is the "Maybe we should try plain packaging for the Internet" entry:

Stop kids from watching internet pornography

I want every ISP and major search engine to make watching soft internet pornography harder for any persons under the age of 18 years because this kind of material shouldn't of (sic) been heard of by a for an example, an (sic) 9.5 year old (sic). And by so doing this, reduces numbers of cyberbullying victims to do with bad links.

Together, we can stop soft porn reaching the hands of under-18s!!!

So I suppose hardcore porn is all right then?  I won't be too harsh on this one, it may have been written by a "9.5 year old" and I would not wish to be accused of cyberbullying.

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The fourth e-petition to grace your screen today, falling under the "We should tax everything" category,  illuminates the growing problem of "Obeasty" in the United Kingdom:

Tax fatty foods and lower prices on fruit,veg,meat, cereals and nuts

Obeasty (sic) rates are increasing so are health problems, I'm proposing that we tax unhealthy foods, fizzy sweet drinks, sweets, crisps, biscuits,frozen junk food, super tax for chain fast food companies and ban children during school hours visiting fast food chains etc (sic)

In return make fruit,veg, meat, cereals and nuts lower in price and therefore affordable to everyone. (currently its (sic) cheaper for low income families to take the unhealthy options) In turn this will save the Heath service millions as people will opt for the affordable option and you may just see reduction in obesity and a healthier nation with less sick days and Heath Problems.

Phew. I'm so glad you aren't taxing my nuts, lady.  Anyway, don't you worry. These will all be plain-packaged in due course and at least 340,000 people will no longer be tempted to try fatty foods.

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Our final e-petition comes under the classic "It might be parody, it might not be parody" heading, where this kind and considerate gentlemen actually suggests lowering VAT on a product:

VAT to be lifted on Piles cream

There is only one thing that hurts more than Piles. Paying VAT to cure it. Should your bum grapes be earning the government a pretty penny? I think not. Let's lessen the pain of haemorroids (sic), buy (sic) lessening the cost of haemorrhoids.

Let Preparation H be prepared at an affordable price. Let families be able to budget for Germalots of Germaloids.

No to VAT on Piles cream.

Dude, we could not agree more. Bum grapes suck. While we're at it, why the hell are feminine hygiene products taxed with VAT? Are these really a luxury item deserving of VAT or are they are a necessity for nearly half of the population? Will someone please create a petition to ask the government to stop financially burdening those unfortunate women who menstruate due to no fault of their own?  It's bloody outrageous, innit?

Ouch! Do not tax our arses!